Crunchy Moms Vs. Silky Moms: Who Wore it Better?
Before I begin, if you have no idea what a scrunchy mama is, don’t worry. Neither did I until a few days ago. But then I started to notice the hashtag #crunchymama popping up on my social media feeds. Crunchy mama? I clicked the hashtag and noticed a bunch of photos of moms breastfeeding or wearing their cloth-diapered babies and I began to assume it had something to do with natural parenting. I had to know for sure, so I Googled it.
Bingo! I learned that the definition of a “crunchy mom” is a mom who practices natural parenting or, as defined by one website, a “neo-hippie.” So basically if you are a crunchy mom, you typically give birth at home (or in a meadow or river or something), cloth-diaper your babes, prepare all your own organic baby foods, co-sleep, breastfeed exclusively (no bottles or formula), believe in baby-led weaning and are anti-vaccinations.
From my research, the term “crunchy” supposedly comes from the fact that these women are called “granola,” (slang for “hippie”) and granola is crunchy. I know, it’s pretty deep. You may need a moment to fully process that one.
So if “crunchy” is a term used to describe a natural mama, what about the other end of the spectrum? No worries, I Googled that too. According to many references on the web, the opposite of a “crunchy mom” is a “silky mom.” Why silky? I don’t actually know, but I would imagine that whoever coined these terms figured that silky was the opposite of crunchy. Mind. Blown.
A silky mom is a mom who gives birth in the sterile hospital environment, uses disposable diapers and may breastfeed but also bottle feeds and maybe formula feeds too. She buys baby food from the store, uses a stroller rather than a baby-wearing device, vaccinates her kiddos and banishes them to a crib where they may even be left to cry it out until they finally give up and fall asleep.
But what about the moms in the middle? Well, apparently they’re called “scrunchy moms.” I’ll let you figure that one out for yourself. It’s about as philosophical a term as the previous two, only less so.
My Scrunchy Confession…
Scrunchy moms cherry-pick elements of both crunchy and silky moms when choosing how to birth, care for and raise their children. They may give birth in a hospital, vaccinate and push their kids in a stroller but also breastfeed, use cloth diapers and co-sleep. Aha! That’s me! Much to my surprise, my style of “I don’t really have a plan, I’m just wingin’ it day-by-day” parenting actually has a name! My name is Anna and I am a scrunchy mom.
When I first discovered the hashtag that led me to this whole new world of mom-labelling I never knew existed, I noticed thousands of pictures and posts with the hashtag #crunchymama. Surely, I thought, there must be some #silkymama and #scrunchymama posts out there too. And indeed there are… Like, a whopping few dozen of them.
On some posts discussing the topic, I even saw self-proclaimed “silky” moms apologizing or otherwise expressing shame for being so! So what gives? Why the discrepancy? How come #crunchymamas are stealing the spotlight? Where my silky and my scrunchy mommas at?
The Era of Mom Shaming
“How others raise their kids is their concern, not yours…It is your job to advocate for your own children. Period.”
I quickly came to my own conclusion that silky moms and scrunchy moms definitely exist in larger numbers than it would appear if judging by hashtags alone. But they aren’t advertising it because they’re either not proud of it or they just don’t know such labels exist.
I think that this is because at this moment in history, the pendulum has swung very much in the direction of natural parenting. That’s great! I totally encourage mothers to give the natural parenting thing a try, so long as it works for them. See how I underlined that last bit? It’s because it’s really important.
So often I see mothers cutting each other down because they disagree on how to raise their children. That needs to stop right now. We are all doing the best we can and some days it is no small victory if all we do is keep our kids alive and celebrate that with a glass of wine at the end of the day.
Unless you are neglecting, abusing or otherwise intentionally harming your children, you should never feel guilty about the way you choose to raise your most precious crop. Likewise, how others raise their kids is their concern, not yours. You can dislike other people’s choices all you want but at the end of the day the only thing you really have control over is the choices you make yourself, so my advice is to focus on that.
Now, I know I may have touched a nerve with that last point, and you may be thinking “ya, but parents who don’t vaccinate put their own child and other children at risk,” or “ya, but circumcision/crying-it-out/co-sleeping/etc. is dangerous and unnecessary and babies can’t speak for themselves so it is my duty to speak for them!” No, it is not. It is your job to advocate for your own children. Period.
The last thing that is going to change the way others parent is berating or belittling them for it, so it’s wasted energy to do so. All that will happen is they will shut down and remain hidden instead of hashtagging about it.
There was a story recently on our local news about a new mother who disappeared shortly after giving birth. Her family was desperate in their search for her and worried about her mental health. Her husband said she may have been suffering from postpartum depression and that she was feeling guilty about the fact that, try as she might, she was unable to breastfeed her newborn.
After weeks of searching, her body was discovered. Her husband came forward to plead with the public to not feel guilty if they are unable to breastfeed and to not shame other mothers who are unable to. She left behind a newborn son.
It Takes a Village
When I say I am a proud scrunchy mama and you should be too, what I mean is that I have no shame about how I choose to raise my children and nor should you.
I have definitely, in times past, tried to avoid mentioning that I co-sleep with my daughter because I’ve been scared of the reaction I will get from those who think it’s wrong or dangerous. But only I, my husband and our daughter know what works best for us. I will no longer feel guilt about that, and my hope is that if you have felt that way before, that you know that you are doing a great job and should be nothing but proud.
As women, we are so used to ripping on each other right from a young age. We criticize and even bully each other about our looks, our promiscuity or our prudishness, who we date, what we eat, how we act, and on and on and on. Let’s not continue that trend into motherhood. Let’s be better than that. Let’s raise our daughters to be better than that, and let’s teach our children to raise each other up instead of cutting each other down.
It takes a village, as they say, so let’s be a village that welcomes each other in with open arms. Be a proud #crunchy, #scrunchy or #silky mama, but more importantly treat those who are different with kindness and respect. Remember, we’ve got little ones looking up to us. Let’s show them what’s really important; Let’s show them how to love one another. They won’t remember what kind of diapers they wore anyway.
You say we need to stop mom shaming, and yet you absolutely did that with your choice of words like “banish to a crib” and “may even be left to cry it out.” Unfortunate
I think she was using hyperbole. Not intending to shame, but being dramatic to drive the point. She also used dramatic language for the other side too, and she mentioned toward the end that circumcision/cry it out/co-sleeping isn’t anyone else’s business, you should be advocating for your child and doing what’s best for your own family.
Such a great post. I’m 20 weeks pregnant and I’ve already decided I don’t want to breastfeed. It gives me anxiety just thinking about it, but I’ve already had those negative thoughts like, “People are gonna think I’m a bad mom”, which isn’t true. My mom didn’t breastfeed me or my sister either and we both grew up healthy and happy. Thanks for spreading the love!
Just for giggles: I told my fiancé I didn’t want to breastfeed and he said, “But won’t your boobs explode? How ya gonna get it out?” ?
This is a perfect response to the whole crunchy mama vs silky mama drama. The only thing I will say is that the cry it out method is harmful and should be avoided. Other than that, parent as you wish, as long as it’s not hurting your child.
Great article love how it is all spelt out in black & white.
So guess I was what you would have been a scrunchy mom twenty plus plus years ago and back then everybody told you how you should raise your kids to your face or behind your back no chat rooms or internet then.
My question is am I now a retired Scrunchy Mom or a or a Golden Scrunchy Mom cause I still feel the same way and would like to see more of them in the generations to come? I have met a number of young women who think staying home with their kids to raise them is a chore. Some who can’t wait to have full time childcare and let others raise their kids. To each there own but I know I would have regretted it.
Hi Anna, I’m Shera and I’m a scrunchy mom ? I had no idea what a crunchy mom was! I saw a comment in a Facebook group for mamas who had babies in the same month as me. I had to google it and your article was the first to pop up! I love being a scrunchy mom. Had no idea there was labels for the parenting styles. Scrunchy is that sweet balance needed for a happy baby and a sane momma. Great article!
Thank you, Anna, for your insight on Crunchy/Silky mom’s/families.
Wow!!!! I had no idea I was a “Scrunchy Mom”! I’m 57 and just found out (giggle).
I just watched a random reel about “Family Cloth” (I had to look that one up, too) and was reading the comments trying to figure out what it was.
So, off to the internet. Thank God I didn’t need to embarrass myself by having to ask someone…..another giggle.
I didn’t circumcise, I breastfed my 5 boys on demand, we had a family bed (think it’s called co-sleeping), used cloth diapers and wash cloths for their bums, made their baby food (simply mashed up what we ate….they didn’t eat till they could actually sit up and grab for their own food), Colloidal silver , raw garlic and raw honey are my go-to’s for illnesses, as well as Helminth Therapy for myself. I eventually homeschooled all of my children.
But, my first two births were cesareans and the last three normal but VERY difficult. I was planning for home births but I NEVER had a birth that was less than 2 days long? I also gave them a bottle when someone else watched them along with disposable diapers, and they were allowed to have a pacifier or whatever they needed, sugar was not avoided, and they were vaccinated (but I wish I’d have waited till they were older to do so). All my children also attended public school at some point. The first three started in public s cool and the last 3 went to public school for middle school. They were ALL allowed to choose. I also use normal medicine sometimes.
All my decisions were made without knowing if there were others out there with the same thoughts/ideas. The way I raised my boys and decisions I made were kept quite private. I didn’t want to have to defend my choices. I just did what I thought was right and what fit for our family.
I do have an opinion about what I think is best, but so do other folks. I hope I’m never judgemental. I usually don’t offer advice unless someone asks. And I always use the disclaimer: I have raised 5 children and STILL don’t know what I’m doing.
My friend mentioned this term to me and I was curious on what it entails. Thank you that was great learning experience for me.
I want to say I appreciate your balanced approach to this subject. I didn’t know what a crunchy mom was until today and when I saw the term it was all negative. It’s sad and disappointing that as a culture we always feel the need to bash other people. We can have differing opinions and there are always 2 sides. I would say I’m a scrunchy mom.
Yes! What a great post, such kind and wise words. ?
I found this post because i was like wtf is a crunchy mama .
First , I never read blogs, because they’re annoying but I read this and it was well written, honestly , and beautiful. The last 2 paragraphs were great. Proud #scrunchymama here too!!
It’s funny, this was one of my first ever blog posts years ago and for whatever reason it’s trending again now. There must be another trending article on crunchy moms that’s got people Googling the term and finding mine!
Huh. Everyday I learned something new. I’m not a mom (yet) but I think my mom was a scrunchy mama. And her name is Anna too! Lol
So I think any style is fine as long as you VACCINATE your children. Not vaccinating bc of whatever “beliefs” you have (other than religious) is ignorant at best and criminal at worst. When we have things like polio creeping back in society bc of these “crunchy” moms, it’s enraging. Like do you not get you are actually HARMING your child? I knew a mom that let her kid (my kid’s best friend, still is) go without antibiotics despite knowing her child had strep throat. THEN the child developed scarlet fever, still no meds or doctor (though she took the kid to the doctor to confirm strep, like what??), and now this kid has cardiomyopathy, permanently, from the inflammation that the scarlet fever left. Why? Why would you do that to your child? There is a way to 100% reduce that risk, regardless of how small; why even take that risk? Bc you have a “feeling”? This mom gave this child some herb root nonsense that obviously DIDN’T work. Even though medications and vaccinations aren’t 100% all the time, statistically speaking, it is far more likely to yield success than some hippie dippy nonsense that’s based on nothing more than an overreactive fear response to not having absolute control over your child and what they do. That’s all this “crunchy” not vaccinating BS is, a parent’s insane OCD about keeping their child safe that they feel like if they don’t completely understand what’s going on, they have to control their child’s every aspect of life and in every way, including the lack of proper vaccinations and medications as needed. And for reference, I exclusively breastfed until my child self weened at 5, no bottles and no formula-ever, I made fresh organic baby food and still only do organic and fresh foods, I used cloth diapers only, and we STILL cosleep at age 6. However, I DO VACCINATE my child and provide doctor prescribed medications when absolutely necessary, bc the vast majority of the time, doctors know immensely more than I do when it comes to the health of children, even my own child. Grow tf up, be responsible, and VACCINATE your children. It should be a crime not to.
My daughter was vaccinated as a baby and died from complications of it (confirmed by the way).
So I will give you a polite “Shut up, and mind your own children.”
Peace and blessings
Ha! I love this: I’m a scrunchy mom too! It’s horrible how we too often belittle others, If not in words then in our thoughts.
I love this post! I love the inclusiveness.
I found this article because I kept seeing the hashtag #crunchymom. Thanks to your post I get it. Come to find out one of my best mom friends is more than likely a proud crunchy mom. I’d consider myself scrunchy, for sure. Just gotta keep this babe alive and happy.
We’re truly all just trying to do what we think is best. No one should be shamed for that ❤️
Absolutely! At the end of the day, we all just want what’s best for our babies:)
You are one smart cookie. I was a “scrunch mom” in the early ’70s. Gave birth on hospitals, breastfed exclusively, co-slept, and was rigorous about vaccinations.
All we can do, is the best we can. My children are in their 40s now, and did the same. They’re all 3 veterans, and parents, and some are grandparents, too-all doing their best.
Nice work!