The Difficult Path to The Simple Life
From city girl to simple life
I grew up in the city. Life was fast, competition was fierce and downtime was considered a luxury. Meals were often eaten on the go as I rushed from appointment to appointment; From the train to work; From home to school and back again. Always rushing.
Always stuck in never-ending traffic, or alone in a crowd on the train as everybody averted their eyes from each other and looked down at their phones. Always scurrying around with everyone else stuck in the rat race, just trying to get through the day. Get through Life.
Iād look up sometimes and see nothing but grey; Grey concrete shooting high into the sky on a backdrop of grey skies. And I lived in one of the greenest cities in the world! Still, it never felt natural to me, and I often found myself stressed, overwhelmed, anxious and depressed.
I know there are lots of people who do love living in the city, surrounded by stimuli; Things to do, places to go, limitless options for dining out, a never-ending selection of entertainment, businesses open 24/7, bright lights, loud noises and crowds of people everywhere. The city teems with life, and some people thrive on that. I have many friends who do. They get their energy from the constant buzz of city life. I think itās awesome for them! But itās not for me.
Loving life in the slow lane
I like living a quieter, slower, frankly more boring life. I hate feeling rushed, stressed or pressured to keep up with everybody else. I’m energized by being in nature, gardening, reading, writing, solitude, having deep philosophical conversations with my closest family and friends, and spending time simply enjoying life in the moment. I once read that time is a currency, and that we all have a finite amount. I truly believe this, and I donāt want to waste mine.
So we moved away from the city to the outskirts of a smaller town. Itās still quite large, but nothing like the big city. Thereās lots of land still out here. Thereās nature everywhere and room to breathe. Many businesses still close on Sundays and most dining options shut their doors at 8 pm. People look each other in the eyes here and most still say hello or offer a friendly smile. Thereās less pressure to run the rat race because thereās really no rat race to run.
Sure, itās still busy here. We live off the main highway and as I write this Iām listening to sounds of rush hour traffic right outside our front door. But at night, the road is quiet and the traffic is replaced by the sound of crickets or frogs or owls or nothing, depending on the time of year. And you can see the stars when you look up on a clear night. Thereās no light pollution to interfere. Itās heavenly.
We live on enough land now to grow a good-sized garden, we currently donāt pay rent where we live in exchange for taking care of the house, and Iām realizing my dreams of pursuing a simpler life where I get to stay home most days, spend quality time with my family, follow my passion for homesteading and write about it here to boot. I really couldnāt ask for a life better suited to me and my husband. But I still struggle to embrace simple living fully and completely, the way I really want to.
You can take the girl out of the city, but…
Last year when I was about 6 months pregnant with my daughter, I was working full time at a school where I had a conversation with another teacher. I told him I was also working part time at another job, substituting at other schools on the days this school was closed, starting a candle-making business from home and growing my first big veggie garden, all while being due to give birth in the middle of summer. As I told him all this, he looked at me, perplexed. Then he asked me, āwhy are you so busy?ā
āI donāt know,ā I replied. āI feel like I need to be. I like to keep busy.ā
āDo you think it’s because you used to live in the city?ā He asked.
I thought about that for a moment, and let his words sink in. Finally I responded, āmaybe.ā
My husband and I on a hike on our due date. Even at 9 months pregnant I found it hard to sit still.
Learning to let go of the need to keep up with the pace of a faster life has been a challenge for me. Donāt get me wrong; To most people looking from the outside, it might seem like I donāt have a lot going on. But Iām always busy with some project, task, commitment or self-imposed deadline I’m working toward.
Iām very goal-oriented and I care about being successful. But what Iāve been learning lately is that my version of success doesnāt need to look like other peopleās. I still struggle with feeling like I need to prove myself to others; To please them and be what they expect me to be, rather than who I really am. To feel accepted. To fit in.
I don’t think many of my friends and family members really understand this lifestyle that has captivated me, and I still get the feeling some people think it’s a way for me to justify laziness and get out of working for a living, which could not be further from the truth. I just want the work that I do to be worth more than a steady paycheque and a good benefits plan. And I don’t want to rely on a pension to provide for me in my old age. I want to rely on my own skills, knowledge and land.
But I still feel pressured to prove my success through the money I earn, the title I have and the things I own, because that’s how so many other people define and understand success. A stay-at-home mom with a few bucks in the bank and dirt under her fingernails is hardly the poster child for a successful woman in the 21st century. But that’s what makes me happy. And I believe being happy in today’s world is the greatest success anyone can achieve.
Success is all relative
My version of success is not about earning enough money to pay for a fancy lifestyle. Rather, itās about living a simpler lifestyle so that I donāt have to earn as much money to support it. Itās not about having some big fancy title or status. Instead, itās about living a life thatās true to who I am and what I believe. Itās not about accumulating things. Iād rather accumulate moments spent with my family, in the garden admiring the miracle of life, in the kitchen cooking, at home creating and doing what I love.
I decided to write on this topic this week because Iāve been feeling out of sorts for the past few days. Iāve been struggling to find where I fit. Do my friends and family think Iām strange for pursuing this dream? Do they take it seriously or think itās just a phase? Often I donāt talk to them about it because they canāt relate to where Iām coming from. I hardly told anyone I was starting this blog before I launched it simply because I feared they would ask āwhatās it about,ā and Iād have to explain it to them, feeling weird and uncomfortable and utterly ādifferentā as I did. After all, let’s face it: this isn’t the typical 21st-century millennial dream.
On the other hand, I feel like a fraud sometimes because of my inexperience living this lifestyle. Iāve connected with some amazing people online who are self-proclaimed homesteaders, preppers, farmers, gardeners and natural-living experts. Many of them have years or even a lifetime of experience doing what Iām teaching myself to do one step at a time. Iām proud to feel like Iām becoming a part of this community, but I often feel inadequate and even unqualified to give advice, like I do here, on this blogā¦
Learning to trust my journey
Iāve had to remind myself lately that life is a journey, and to trust that journey. To love where you are on your path and know thatās exactly where you should be. Right now Iām in a transition phase. Iām still learning to slow down, to let things go, and to allow myself a little grace.
I donāt need anything fancy. But I do need to feel as if Iām living my life honestly and being true to myself. For me, that means breaking free from the rat race, and living a life removed from the stress and the pressures of the modern world.
A simple, slow, quiet life where I grow some of the food that we eat, make what I can with my own two hands, follow my passions, and spend as much time as possible enjoying every moment with the ones I love.
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Having animals die is definitely the hardest part of homesteading, but itās a reality of this lifestyle that everyone must come to terms with sooner or later.
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So this is 35ā¦
I decided to read my horoscope today (since itās my birthday and all). I donāt really buy into the horoscope predictions, but I do think thereās something to be said for the personality traits weāre born with when the stars are aligned just so. Here are a few snippets that I found to be almost eerily on point:
āTauruses born on May 18 are characterized by love of freedom and independenceā¦They possess extraordinary creative energy, and they are never without an important cause to champion. They enjoy taking risks, but only when they believe the risk really matters.
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Iāll never forget where I came from and Iāll never have any regrets, because I wouldnāt be right where I am now without all of the experiences -good, bad or otherwise- that Iāve had along the way.
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āWhen I think of self-reliance, I think of any ability to rely less on āthe system.āā
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Be sure to check out the full interview in the latest issue of Modern Homesteading Magazine!
Subscribe @ modernhomesteadingnmagazine.com
Iād love to know, what are you currently doing to become a little (more) self-reliant? Let me know in the comments!š
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Iāve been thinking a lot lately about what it really means to be "self-reliant."
We talk a lot about self-reliance (or self-sufficiency) in the homesteading community, and outwardly it may seem as if the goal of "achieving" self-reliance is what ultimately drives many of us to live this lifestyle in the first place.
But what does self-reliance look like in the 21st century? Is it actually achievable, or just a pipe dream?
Is it even possible to be truly self-reliant?
A few years ago, Forbes published an article titledĀ Dear Homesteaders, Self-Reliance is a Delusion.
In the article, the author arguesĀ that "self-reliance is for the most part a myth. Unless they live in an extremely remote region, use all homemade tools, and will refuse the safety net if they need it, most homesteaders are far from self-reliant."
While he makes some compelling points, but I've always felt as if he missed the point of what self-reliance actually means in real life.
No man (or woman) is an island. None of us can ever be 100% self-reliant without ever relying on anyone other than ourselves. But that doesn't mean that we should give up trying altogether.
Even one small step toward being more self-sufficient is a step in the right direction.
Maybe the point is not to everĀ BECOMEĀ self-reliant, but rather to becomeĀ MOREĀ self-reliant as we progress on our journey. Maybe self-reliance isn't a destination, but a pursuit.
Like just about everything that's worth doing,Ā working toward greater self-reliance and independence is worth doing imperfectly.Ā It's better to take a single step in the right direction than no step at all.
I decided to unpack this in more detail on the blog this week. (Link in bio @thehouseandhomestead or go to thehouseandhomestead.com/what-is-self-reliance to read the full article).
With the doors to theĀ Society of Self-RelianceĀ opening in just a couple more days, I wanted to be sure I can confidently provide an answer to the question "what is self-reliance?"
But Iād also love to hear what YOU think!
Is self-reliance just a delusion? Is it an achievable goal? Or is it more about the journey than the destination?
Share your thoughts in the comments below!
š± Have you started any seeds yet?
If not, NOW is the time!
March is a great time to start tomato seeds, peppers, lettuce, brassicas (broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, kale, etc.) and direct sow peas in most gardening zones.
Starting from seed is exponentially cheaper than buying starts from the nursery, especially is youāre growing on a larger scale. But seed starting supplies can add up quickly if youāre not careful.
In the spring issue of Modern Homesteading Magazine, contributor Kayla Adams of @oatsandhoneyhomestead shares her best tips for finding cheap or even free seed starting supplies. From pots and lighting options to soil and the seeds themselves, Kayla covers everything you *actually* need to start your edible garden completely from seed (and not break the bank).
Check out the full article, along with a preview of the spring issue at modernhomesteadingmagazine.com
Link in bio @thehouseandhomestead to SUBSCRIBE or login to the magazine library and read the full issue (for current subscribers).
What are you MOST excited to grow in your garden this year??
Let me know! š
#seedstarting #seeds #springgardening #growyourowngroceries
Great blog post! I want to encourage you to stick with what your heart is telling you. You obviously love what you are doing based on the pictures of yourself in your element. Love your husband and your little one and evaluate each day you spend on your little piece of land by asking yourself, “Did I do today what I wanted to accomplish?” If so, keep smiling and keep plugging along!
Thank you for the encouraging words! I’m so glad that I found my passion as I know there are some people who never even discover what they really love doing because they are too busy “running the rat race” to even stop and think about it! And of course there are many more who have passions that they never pursue (or at least not to the extent that they would like to) because of others’ expectations of them. I know, even when I feel I am not living up to others’ standards, that I am doing exactly what my heart is telling me to do. If I died tomorrow, I would be able to say I lived a life true to myself, followed my dreams and put my heart into everything that I did. And that is priceless. Thanks for reading!
And Blessed we are to spend those moments along with you.. It is wonderful to see someones life taking it’s true path..
Thanks Lyndy! So awesome having you guys just across the yard. And your chickens! I mention them and their eggs often:)
A girl after my own heart! I wish women could have stayed home with their children(and I don’t mean to drive them places and always be on the go) taught them cooking, cleaning, gardening etc. And you certainly have a knack for writing as well-just be you, relax(and work hard at the same time)-therapy. A big thumbs up Anna!!
Thanks Glenda! I love being at home with Evelyn. As every mother knows, some days are trying and I even get envious that Ryan gets to go to work all day and talk to adults while I stay home and deal with crying and dirty diapers. But getting to spend time with my daughter every day, to be present for all of her milestones and to bring her into the kitchen and out to the garden with me is a priceless gift that I don’t intend to waste. I’m excited to raise her like children used to be raised: being a part of where her food comes from, contributing to our family by helping out around the home and learning the skills necessary to become a confident, self-reliant adult with a strong work ethic and moral compass. That’s my dream for my kids. I don’t care how much money they make or what their “status” is. All I care about is that they are happy, healthy and have all the tools they need to take care of themselves and their own families one day, and pursue their own passions with my full support.
Great post. I think this is something we all struggle with. It is what is expected of us. Kudos to you for working toward your dream. I too am working toward my dream of just living in the moment.
Kudos to you for working towards yours too mom:) Remember to slow down and enjoy it before it’s too late.